Broken
by FriendLey
Summary: "Pepper and I are on a break." But what does that really mean? This story covers the break in the relationship, its resumption, and the moments in between from Pepper's point of view. Contains pieces from Iron Man 3, Age of Ultron, and Civil War.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel and any of the characters in this story. What is written here is for entertainment purposes only. I do not make any profits from it.**

It doesn't take a therapist to know that post traumatic stress disorder can dampen a relationship, put strains on areas where there are none, kill intimacy, and maybe even the relationship itself if the latter isn't strong enough. This was the case for Pepper and Tony.

After Afghanistan or maybe even farther back to Howard and Maria's death, all the traumas just kept on coming; they managed to hit Tony, and even Pepper herself, on every occasion. The Iron Man suit, no matter how many Tony built, did not make him invincible to psychological and emotional trauma.

Pepper had thought it stupid that he would rely so much on his suits to shield him from his emotional pains. "They're distractions," she had told him, so convinced that they were only that.

All the books on PTSD that she bought after the incident with Killian, however, told her otherwise. She read that trauma survivors may feel an increased need to protect their loved ones. Certainly, all that tinkering was for her. Tony said so himself. "I have to protect the one thing I can't live without," but she had dismissed it, confident that she would be safe from aliens. It turns out it wasn't aliens she needed to be protected from.

After she was kidnapped, subjected to the painful transition of extremis, fell two hundred feet and survived, Tony refused to leave her side. He went with her to Stark Industries, worked in her office, and even accompanied her to meetings which he normally had to be dragged to. At night, he would hold her to make sure she was real, not some dream or ghost.

How could she have dismissed his tinkering as anything other than concern, worry, and love for her?

Pepper also read that trauma survivors would often have flashbacks and would go to great lengths to avoid having them. Suddenly all his nights spent at the workshop made sense. It wasn't because he couldn't sleep or had an amazing idea that just couldn't wait (okay, it was sometimes those) but because he didn't _want_ to sleep. He didn't want to risk his parents visiting him in his dreams, see Yinsen and Jimmy dying, feel the effects of palladium poisoning, or relive his last moments as he fell from a worm hole.

She couldn't believe she would berate him and drag him to bed. Sure the sleep was for his energy but not so for his mind.

She felt like such an awful girlfriend.

So, Pepper called Bruce, asked him to talk to Tony and spend some time with him. It seemed to work. He wouldn't be as clingy or protective over her. He began to treat the superhero job more objectively; there was a healthy amount of suits to maintain and somewhat regular working hours.

But then Ultron happened and it pushed back whatever progress that was made. He built more controls, more crisis response plans, and even built her a suit of her own claiming that she needed to be able to protect herself in the event that he wouldn't be around. He was burying himself in the work and in their relationship again.

That was when Pepper decided that Tony needed to recover a safe distance away from her, not too far but not too close either.

"You're breaking up with me because I made you a suit?!" he asked, finally tearing his eyes away from the Mark I of the said piece of armor.

She gave a small shake of her head. "I never said—"

"You said that we need a break! How is that not breaking up?" His voice shook causing him to look away from her. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying at the defeated sight of him

"Tony, you can't recover from your trauma—"

"I'm fine!" he insisted

"No, you're not!" she told him, "You have to deal with what happened in Sokovia and with Ultron. You can't do that if you're burying yourself in distractions."

"You're not a distraction," he said softly as he reached out to take her hand.

She gave him a small smile. They both knew that was a lie.

"We're not breaking up." She brought her free hand to rest on his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She needed to let him know that she would continue to be around only at a lesser degree. "I love you. I love you so much and I know that everything you do you do for those you love. Please, let me do this for you. I want you to find healing and learn to forgive yourself for what happened. Your work can't do that for you and _I_ can't do that for you… We need to go on a break."

Pepper could see him trying to find an argument to use in order to get her to stay. After a while, Tony asked her, "You won't go far?"

She immediately shook her head. The last thing she wanted him to think was that she abandoned him in his time of need, like he needed his girlfriend to be among the list of people disappearing on him. Bruce was enough of a blow as it is. "I'll stay at the Malibu house for a while. I'll ask Friday for an honest update of how you're doing because she won't lie to me like _you_ probably will."

Tony rolled his eyes at that, muttering "traitor" under his breath. This caused her to chuckle. She's glad that that part of his personality never seemed to disappear no matter how many hits he received.

He nodded slowly as he tried to wrap his head around the on-a-break-not-a-break-up thing. Then, he pulled her in for a hug.

"You know hugging is actually one of the steps—"

"You read those PTSD books too much."

After that day, Pepper was true to her word. She headed back to Malibu, making sure to cancel any appearances that she has with Tony. She figured it would be better that they don't meet. She also makes regular calls to Friday, inquiring about Tony's progress.

"He joined several other soldiers in Mr. Wilson's weekly sessions of Living with PTSD."

"Sam?" Pepper asked her. She didn't know Sam helped trauma survivors. "That's good. If there's anyone who can understand a bit of what he's going through it's probably other soldiers, right? Because technically, Iron Man is a soldier too."

"Yes, Miss Potts. It is also clinically proven that sessions with fellow PTSD survivors help in the recovery."

Weeks later, the Avengers mishap in Lagos hit the news and she had to resist the urge to call Tony. She settled with Friday's "He and Mr. Vision were not present during the fighting. The latter was helping the former come to terms with the loss of Mr. Jarvis."

She felt relief wash over her. The last thing Tony needed was to be blamed for another disaster. But he and Vision were what?

"Friday, what did you say?"

"Mr. Vision was helping Mr. Stark process the loss of Mr. Jarvis which is the reason why both were not present in Lagos."

"Friday, that's good news!"

"I believe it is, Miss Potts. Although, Mr. Jarvis is not lost. He has simply been uploaded into Mr. Vision's system.

Pepper chose to ignore the AI's opinion on the matter and instead focus on the progress Tony was making. Talking to other team members about their losses and traumas was definitely an improvement.

She found more development in his recovery when Friday informed her that Tony supported the Sokovia Accords. It meant that he acknowledges the problem in the Avengers initiative, which is the first step in every recovery, and that he was willing to be held accountable for his actions.

"That's a very mature decision to make," she commented to Friday.

"I agree, Miss Potts. It is a rare thing indeed for Mr. Stark to relinquish some semblance of control to the government or to admit that he was wrong."

 _Maybe this whole on-a-break thing is a good thing after all_ , she thought.

But then the call for Steve and Bucky's arrest was issued. Distance or no distance and on a break or not, Pepper needed to see Tony.

"Pepper." He looked like hell, she thought, staring at the screen of her phone.

"How are you doing? How's the rest of the team?"

He sighed. "Divided." There was silence as they both just stared at each other, drinking in the sight of one another. Finally, he said, "I'm bringing him in. I have to."

"Of course!" she nodded, understanding the situation. "He's your friend. Steve will listen to you."

He scoffed, "I doubt that. He's stubborn when it comes to his principles and especially when it involves his boyfriend."

"You would be too if it were Rhodey. You'd do anything to save him." Despite what he said, Pepper knew that Tony didn't want to go against his friends. So, she assured him, "You're doing the right thing."

"Am I?" there was a vulnerability in his eyes that he only ever showed to her. "What if Steve is somehow in the right? What if I'm making a mistake?"

"That's why _you_ need to be the one to bring him in. If it isn't you, they would kill them on sight and there wouldn't be any chances of knowing Bucky or Steve's side."

His forehead wrinkled, considering her words. "You'll still be there if I'm wrong?"

"Always."

He smiles a genuine smile and her heart lightens.

"Friday's been updating me. I'm really proud of the progress you've made."

"I'm doing it for you." How could people still say this man was a selfish S.O.B.?

Pepper frowned at him. "Tony, the entire point of being on a break is so that you could heal for _yourself_ and not for _me_."

"I know. And Sam says it's a process." He looked at his watch. "Now, we have to go and bring him and the rest of my fugitive friends in."

She gave him an encouraging smile and a wave before disconnecting the call.

She hears from him the next day, his heavy labored breathing alerting her that something was wrong. This was another panic attack, she was sure of it. She silently curses the fact that they're not on video call.

"Tony, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice tinged with worry.

"Pepper—" he managed to croak out.

"Tony, what's wrong?" she repeated over the sounds of him gasping for air.

"He killed— he— it wasn't an accident!"

"Who killed who, Tony? What wasn't an accident?" There was no answer except for more sounds of him groaning and breathing heavily. "Tony, breathe! Breathe! Focus on my voice. In and out. One, in, two, out, three, in, four, out. You with me?"

"Yeah."

"Good." It was another minute or two of this before Tony was calm enough to continue.

"My parents are dead, Pepper."

Pepper was confused. His parents had been dead for a long time. Why the random recollection? She suddenly feared that he suffered a head injury. "Yes, they died in a car accident."

"Nonononono!" he cried painfully. "He killed them! He murdered them! He killed my dad and my mom begged for her life, but he killed her too. And he knew, Pepper! He knew he killed his friend but he protected him and he hid that from me!"

 _Now_ , Pepper thought he might be hallucinating. She begins to leave her office, planning to fly straight to wherever the hell he was. She talks to him on the phone as she goes, "Tony, I don't understand what you're talking about. Could you… could you tell me what exactly happened over there?" She hated to ask him to have to relive it in his telling but she couldn't help if she didn't have the details.

She patiently listened as he told her the entire story, from the fight in the airport up to the fight with Steve and Bucky in Siberia. She was in her car and driving when he told her about the video of his parents' murder, of what he felt was Steve's betrayal, and the desire to murder Bucky himself. She's at a loss for words once he was finished. What do you say to your boyfriend who saw a video of his parents being killed by a man his friend is protecting? What do you say to him when his friend kept the truth from him? What do you tell him when the murderer was brainwashed when he did it?

"Where are you?" would have to suffice. He told her he was still in Siberia but was planning to return to Rhodey. Already, he's pushing aside the trauma of what happened and dealing with other people first. All the progress that he made was probably lost now.

"I'll meet you there."

They meet in Rhodey's hospital room. After seeing their friend was still asleep, she enveloped him in a tight hug. This wasn't how she imagined their relationship would resume. She felt his body rack in silent sobs as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. She couldn't blame him for breaking; with Rhodey's condition, and everything that happened, she's surprised he's still standing.

She rubs a hand on his back and kisses his head. "I'm here."

"Thank you," was all he said.

She knows his list of things to recover from only became longer. But there has to be something about the fact that he's dealing with his parents' death a different way this time around. Maybe he's finally going to heal _that_ open wound.

She also knows he needs to talk about it all, maybe not with Sam or with Vision or with her. But with Steve who is the only one that can give him peace.

 _We can't afford another break,_ she thought. Not when he's in this condition. So, Pepper continues to hug him, letting the action produce positive hormones just like the books said.

 **A/N: This turned out sad. Anyway, I know nothing of PTSD except for what I found in google. I hope my writing of it was realistic and that you all liked this piece even though it was all sorts of negative.**


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